Cubicle-Fu

You already know that your next meeting is going to be as exciting as porn with Margaret Thatcher, but you have to be there. So what do you do?

Plan an emergency.

There are lots of ways to do this, but the simplest is to make sure you get a call that you “have to take.” Sure, you could have a friend do it, but then your operation could spring a leak. The Cubicle Fu Master knows that sometimes, you have to work alone.

How to place a call to yourself:

1.  In Microsoft Outlook, create a new email
2. In the “To” field, enter the email address that will send a text to your phone (e.g. for Sprint users this is 1234567890@messaging.sprintpcs.com, and you’d replace 1234567890 with your own number)
3. Now under the View menu, select Options
4. See the checkbox that says “Do not deliver before…,” just set the time you want it sent.

Now make sure your Outlook stays on while you walk into the meeting. When the text comes in, look, and put on your best Oscar performace. “Oh, I’m really sorry, this is urgent and I need to take it. I’ll come by later to get briefed on what you all decide. I’m really sorry about this”

Now you can back to watching that video of cats pooping.

This requires some serious Cubicle Fu. If you’ve ever pulled a late night, or are having a sugar/coffee crash, or forgot why driving is an energy suck, then you know how easy this is to do. There you are, listening to a perfectly dry monologue and almost without you noticing, words blur into a “woh woh woh woh” sound. You begin to feel a slow ache, and the room seems to be getting less saturated, as shapes blur together. Suddenly your dog appears in the room, and you’re in the park at the same time, and you wonder if you could fly and suddenly WHAM! You feel a rapid pain in your eyes and neck as they snap back up to your “default awake” position.

No human being will not know what the neck-snap means. You dozed off, you can’t hide it, everyone knows. Now what?

Things to try when you fall asleep in a meeting (let’s be honest, there’s no get-out-of-jail free on this one):

1. Have an awesome boss
   I “rested my eyes” in a one-on-one with my boss once. Guy is so cool he still makes fun of me.
2. Acknowledge the faux-pax…
   This is where the Cubicle Fu master reaches inward to his center, finds the zen place where everything happens for a reason, and simply admits, “Hey, I’m sorry. I had a late one…”
3. … and either recommit to consciousness, …
   “… I’m sorry about that. Ok, I’m back. Please continue.”
4. … or request a regroup.
   “… I’m sorry I’m struggling here. It’s important that we have this discussion. Would it be ok if I went to grab a cup of coffee/juice/water so I can refocus?” You’ll likely get a “yes” and the walk will do you as much good as the liquid.
5. And always keep a sense of humor.
   Chances are, you just looked silly, so laugh a little at yourself. “Oh man, I’m sorry. I thought that only happened in movies, I must look like an idiot. Lemme grab some water down the hall, I’ll be right back, and I promise I’ll reschedule my nap.”

What would you do if you fell asleep in a meeting?