Cubicle-Fu

Recently, I pitched a new project idea to an exec. He told me a story about how to get people to agree to your proposals.

He told me that he carries around a bag of sh*t. This is stuff like meetings, projects to keep track of, hires to make, “restructuring” to plan, and more. Put another way, the shi*t in his bag is sh*t he already has to do, so his goal at all times is to get that sh*t out of his bag, even if it’s good sh*t.

The way for me to get approval, on anything, is to make sure that thing takes crap out of his bag, and doesn’t put more crap in.

But my project was a new idea, and I could do the work, and people will love it! Well, a new and exciting project is like a kitten. It’s fun, playful, with lots of exciting times ahead. But kittens do grow old and arguably less cute. More importantly, even if I want the kitten, it’s going to end up in my boss’s bag, and even if it’s the best kitten ever, it’s going to poop in there.

How to get approval for new crap:

1. Make sure your crap takes crap out of his bag
   If the project is really all about taking stuff out of his bag, e.g. “I was thinking in addition to my regular duties, I’d make you lunch!”, then you’re golden.
2. If you are putting new crap in, even if it’s great crap, make sure that crap addresses a specific problem
   If your reason for a new project is, “Everyone will love this,” just stop, count to ten, and rephrase your reasoning with the problem it addresses, “Morale is low, we’re seeing people quit every week, and I hear complaints all day. This project will be a huge value-add to our culture and make people want to stay.”

That’s really all you need to go. Get clever, reframe the issue, help clean up the crap. If you’re always putting crap in there, no matter what kind of dad you are to your kittens, poppa’s gonna need a brand new bag.