Cubicle-Fu

Like me, you’ve probably seen the “no cell phone” signs in various public places. Yet on the train, at the gym, and in restaurants, it seems like everyone, even that guy on the bike in front of you, is on their cell phone. Cell phone voices are distracting because they’re one side of a conversation, and often loud so the other party can hear. Today, on the train, I listened to a forty year old teenager explain to his dad why he needed to move to Portland. From there he spent forty minutes whining to his dad how little he knew about both his son and the internet. He may have been right, still, he had more issues than Time magazine and he was basically yelling about it.

And yet, most of us just don’t say jack. We sit, try to read, and know that we’ll be able to end our relationship with this person and their issues with their dad as soon as we hit our station.

Why? Why do we insist on putting up with aggravating behavior that is against the rules. Let it be said, I do not in any way advocate following the rules, but when they’re on your side, you have an option.

What to do when you’re dealing with annoying behavior in public:

• See that you’re not alone.
  Look a round, read people’s faces. Are other people also annoyed or frowning at this person?
• Note: the rules are in your favor
  If you’re still shy about speaking up, note that you CAN play the goodie two-shoes here. The rules do say not to be a jackass, so…
• Speak confidently and compassionately
  “Excuse me, I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m trying to read/workout/eat/enjoy the outdoors and your conversation is distracting me. Would you mind taking your conversation over there?”
• If they balk, stand your ground
  It is SO easy to just say “Ok, sorry, you don’t want to, you have a right.” It is better to say, “I understand, still, I’d really appreciate it if you could respect the guidelines, and it’s hard to do my reading/workout/etc. while listening to your conversation.”

At this point, if you followed step 1, then other people may speak up in your favor. If not, the worst that can happen is you look a little prim. In the best case, Daddy’s Boy takes a hike and someone buys you a beer.

I’ve noticed in group discussions at work (and life) that people repeat themselves and each other, a lot. Especially in groups of smart people, everyone’s chiming in to summarize what everyone else just said in the smartest way possible. Add a dash of ego, and, it’s the neverending one-up-fest. It’s like an ongoing I’m-so-good-at-summarizing party. It’s a repetition free for all. But I might be getting redundant…

The best cure for overtalking is listening. Here are some ideas on what to listen for.

What to do when people are repeating themselves ad nauseam:

1. STOP TALKING
   (you’re probably doing it too, and it won’t stop until someone starts listening. might as well be you)
2. Listen for connection points
   (don’t just listen to what people say, listen for what they want. they’re probably still talking because they don’t feel like they have it yet. do they want to be heard? do they want a particular result?)
3. Repeat their message back to them, let them know you heard them
   (this is different than simple repetition, and usually starts with “So what I’m hearing you say is ______, and it seems like you want something like ______ to happen. Is that right?” Most people will relax once they feel heard, and you might get other people listening too.)
   
4. Look for and call an action
   (you’re in a holding pattern, so break out. “What I’m hearing is ____, yes? Well, given that, let’s do____. What do you all think of moving ahead that way?)

If you find yourself playing the repeater game, try changing the game to a listening one.

If you find yourself playing… what else would you do?

Welcome to the poorest excuse for mediocrity. Ever.

“They’ll never go for that” or “we just don’t do that here.”

You, like everyone else, probably accepted that reasoning and moved on, maybe even forgot about your idea. Try this next time you have an idea and someone’s reason for sharpshooting it is “that’s just how it is.”

How to move past “that’s just how it is:”

1. Ask why (there really is no rule against asking for a deeper explanation)
2. Ask how they think it could happen (this gets them thinking on your side)
3. Get a second opinion (if they just won’t roll with you, find someone who will)
4. Be open to bowing out (hey, maybe your idea is just this side of lame, and you need to hit the drawing board)
5. Find someplace where that’s just how it isn’t (if you’re really getting creatively stuffed, and you really believe in your idea, and if it’s important to you, look for a new job, or find a group that is ready to listen)