Cubicle-Fu

There are many who aspire to be Cubicle Fu Masters. They train for years, master their bodies and emotions, until they can pass virtually without notice under the radar of any superior, living in complete freedom in plain sight.

However, some “grasshoppers” leave their training early, believing they are ready. Some succeed, but many fail. Some who succeed do things like call in sick and take those days to go party, and even dress up like fairy grasshoppers.

Those who fail leave a trail on Facebook and have the images emailed back to them by the boss they told they were too sick to work. Some students still have much to learn.

Read more…

Recently, I pitched a new project idea to an exec. He told me a story about how to get people to agree to your proposals.

He told me that he carries around a bag of sh*t. This is stuff like meetings, projects to keep track of, hires to make, “restructuring” to plan, and more. Put another way, the shi*t in his bag is sh*t he already has to do, so his goal at all times is to get that sh*t out of his bag, even if it’s good sh*t.

The way for me to get approval, on anything, is to make sure that thing takes crap out of his bag, and doesn’t put more crap in.

But my project was a new idea, and I could do the work, and people will love it! Well, a new and exciting project is like a kitten. It’s fun, playful, with lots of exciting times ahead. But kittens do grow old and arguably less cute. More importantly, even if I want the kitten, it’s going to end up in my boss’s bag, and even if it’s the best kitten ever, it’s going to poop in there.

How to get approval for new crap:

1. Make sure your crap takes crap out of his bag
   If the project is really all about taking stuff out of his bag, e.g. “I was thinking in addition to my regular duties, I’d make you lunch!”, then you’re golden.
2. If you are putting new crap in, even if it’s great crap, make sure that crap addresses a specific problem
   If your reason for a new project is, “Everyone will love this,” just stop, count to ten, and rephrase your reasoning with the problem it addresses, “Morale is low, we’re seeing people quit every week, and I hear complaints all day. This project will be a huge value-add to our culture and make people want to stay.”

That’s really all you need to go. Get clever, reframe the issue, help clean up the crap. If you’re always putting crap in there, no matter what kind of dad you are to your kittens, poppa’s gonna need a brand new bag.

Have you ever been giving a super-duper important presentation and noticed a typo projected up on the wall? Ever sent an email to a client or boss only to notice that you glaringly misspelled the other person’s name? Are you plagued by get-it-done-fast syndrome, to the detriment of good grammar? Well fear not, you’re not alone! And, what’s more, there are a few key things you can do to avoid embarrassing goof ups and ensure you always look like a pro.

First, always treat emails or official documents intended for client eyes with extra special care. Categorize email writing into at least two different camps (maybe more): client/boss emails, and coworker/friend emails. Take a little extra time with the emails intended for more sensitive recipients (especially those with the power to hire/fire you or your firm).

A good rule of thumb is to always click “Save” instead of “Send”. Set your emails aside for a few minutes, walk away, and come back 15-30 minutes later with a fresh perspective (and maybe a nice steaming venti latte too!). Read over the text again while try putting yourself in the shoes of your intended audience. Read what you’ve written as if you have NO IDEA what the email is about. Does it make sense? Are there places where you tried to convey tone-of-voice that didn’t come through clearly? Did you use waaaaay too many emoticons or exclamation marks?!?!?!?

If you aren’t equipped (mentally or emotionally) to step outside of your own perspective, get someone else to proofread what you’ve written. Try to be specific about what issues the person should be looking to spot. Are you unsure of how consistent your message was? Were you too emotional when you wrote the message? Are you using a template from a previous project and you want to make sure you eliminated any mention of other clients?

While spelling errors and typos are embarrassing, there’s nothing more guaranteed to turn your face beet-red than Client X seeing Client’s Y’s name in their document. (Your client at Coca-Cola will be less than stoked to see “Pepsi” emblazoned on a project document that you sent them.) If you’re using Word templates, try doing a global search-and-replace for client names and any other language specific to one client. And even then, it’s best to have a friend or coworker double-check just to be safe.

So, to summarize:

What proofreading tips have you found useful?

Today I overheard someone say, “The goal of this widget is to make Joe happy.” Joe is the head of our division, he has final approval.

This is a losing game, plain and simple. What if Joe is having a bad day? What if it takes more than a widget to make him happy? What if he doesn’t know what he wants, and you continue to chase a moving target?

The thing to do here is find out what will make Joe happy by asking him! If Joe gives you a list of requirements, even a simple bullet-point list in an email, then you have a target (and something to point to if he changes his mind and wants to blame you for it).

How to measure happiness:

• Get a list of requirements in writing
  A bullet list in email should do
• Get a final approval on the list
  Sending a confirmation email “This is the final list. Is this exactly what you need?” will seal up any potential for a moving target. Well, it still might move, but now Joe will know that he moved it, instead of blaming you for not having strong enough mind-reading skills.
• Present the final work with a similar list of how it addresses the first list
  If A, B, and C add up to Happiness, show off the work and point out how it addresses these requirements.